Family Matters
by Poppelchen
Summary: Takes place in an unspecified time post-series where the world is saved and everybody is living happily ever after. Ruby and Yang are discussing their uncle Qrow and his not-girlfriend. Weiss finds out about her sister's not-boyfriend. It doesn't go well. (Fluff, silly, crack)
1. Sisterly conversations

Author's Notes: A little more background to the story ('story' *cough*): I really like the dynamic between Qrow and Winter in the series - those two clearly have a history! I'm not a fan of the whole "they hate each other that must mean they love each other" thing, so I'm not convinced of romance but I can absolutely see them end up in some kind of fuck buddy relationship that is probably really emotionally unhealthy and involves a lot of power play and s/D dynamics. So this kind of became my head canon and I wrote a lot of smut (nothing in this fanfic). As the gossip mills never stop and word will get out, I then wondered what the reactions of the other characters would be which is pretty much what this here is about. Don't take it entirely seriously though, it's labeled 'crack' for a reason. I always imagined Weiss to have a fit upon finding out Ruby's uncle is doing her sister so I'm thinking nobody would tell her. Not that they'd *lie* to her, you know, just pointedly not mention it, like, ever.

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„Hey Ruby."

„Hey Yang. Wanna play with me?"

„Sure!" Yang flopped down on the floor next to her sister and pulled out her scroll to connect it to the game station. „Hey, you know what we were talking about yesterday? About uncle Qrow and Weiss' sister?"

„Yeah, what about them?", said Ruby, without taking her eyes of the screen and hammering madly on the virtual buttons on her scroll.

„Look, I know you don't wanna hear this, but... Uncle Qrow isn't in love with Winter", said Yang.

„What makes you say that?", asked her sister and frowned in confusion.

„Well I kinda overheard dad and uncle Qrow talking about it yesterday. Honestly, that was a conversation I could have done without", said Yang and rolled her eyes. Ruby snuck her a sideways glance.

„And yet you still eavesdropped", she said. It wasn't an accusation but it did sound mildly amused. Yang blushed.

„Yeah well, I was still curious okay?"

„So what did he say? Uncle Qrow, I mean. Goddammit Yang! I hate this stupid combo of yours! Argh!", Ruby cursed. Yang laughed.

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„So", said Tai and casually let one arm fall over the back of his chair.

„So?", repeated Qrow, mimicking his pose and grinning.

„You and Winter Schnee, huh?", asked Tai.

„Me and Winter Schnee", Qrow confirmed.

„Is it a serious thing?", said Tai and lifted his eyebrows quizzically.

„Pfff! Like hell! As if I'd ever be in a committed relationship, Tai. Naw. It's just sex", said Qrow, slouching in his chair and taking a sip from his flask. „Pretty great sex, actually. Mind-blowing, fantastic-"

„Yeah okay fine thanks, I get the picture. You're getting laid."

„I'm getting laid." He grinned at his brother-in-law. Tai snorted.

„Does Winter's sister know? I mean she's Ruby's friend. Kinda weird, isn't it?"

„I guess. But since I'm not planning to bring Winter over for family dinner anytime soon..." Qrow shrugged. "No idea if Weiss knows. Probably not or we'd have heard about it from Ruby, don't you think? From what I know about Weiss, she wouldn't approve."

Tai likewise shrugged and raised his eyebrows to indicate he had no clue either.

„Maybe. Is Winter like her sister?"

„If her sister is a prissy, prideful pain in the ass, then yeah, kinda." Tai frowned at this and Qrow added: „But I'm a drunk pain in the ass so we probably deserve each other."

The blonde man put his face in his hand and shook his head but he couldn't hide his laughter.

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„Huh", made Ruby. „Oh well. They're adults. I guess if it works for them, it's fine."

„You sure? You were pretty happy when you found out uncle Qrow was..." Yang waved her scroll about, not paying attention to the screen for a moment. „...dating Weiss sister, or whatever we should call it. Hey! No fair!" While she had looked away, Ruby had gotten in several quick hits that had dealt quite a lot of damage.

„Sorry!", snickered Ruby and didn't sound very sorry at all. „It's because I like Weiss. And I think her sister's kinda cool so I thought it would be nice if they'd come visit us here, you know? They'd be like family. Even though Winter didn't seem to like me very much..."

„Oh right, you've met her. She didn't like you?", asked Yang curiously. Ruby shrugged.

„Eeeh, I think she thought I wasn't good enough as a team leader for Weiss. But that was ages-" Yang's eyes had started to glow.

„Excuse me?! Who does she think-"

„It's fine, Yang!", Ruby interrupted her. „Weiss didn't like me either when we first met, remember? That doesn't mean anything." She focused on the screen for a moment, the tip of her tongue sticking out in concentration.

„That's true!", laughed Yang, calming down again. „Whoa! What the hell?! Where'd you learn that move? What the- how?!"

„I've told you I practiced. I am going to destroy you." Ruby sniggered evilly.

„In your dreams, sister!", growled Yang and executed a complicated jump-run-hit combo that would have drained said sister's life bar considerably if it had actually worked.

„Anyway", said Ruby who had somehow managed to escape via a perfectly timed summersault. „Uncle Qrow seems pretty happy, with...whatever it is they are doing. That's all that matters. I just want uncle Qrow to be happy." She smiled.

„Yeah, me too", said Yang, her smile mirroring Ruby's while they were both pressing buttons like mad women.

They never noticed their uncle watching them from the kitchen doorway. He too, a smile on his face.


	2. It's Branwen in the family

„I still think we should have called first!", said Weiss and strolled down Mantle Street after Ruby, having difficulties keeping up with her energetic friend. „You don't just drop in on my sister like that!"

„Aw, come on Weiss, it's going to be fine. She's only here for a few days, you should meet her!"

„Of course", said Weiss through gritted teeth. „All I'm saying is that it shouldn't be a surprise visit."

„Don't worry about it!", Yang chimed in and patted Weiss on the shoulder. „I'm sure your sister will be happy to see you!"

Blake, who was trailing after them did not say anything but from what she knew of the Schnee family the faunus girl was inclined to side with Weiss.

Turning a corner at a book store the four of them finally reached the apartment block Weiss' sister was currently living in. The building was partly owned by Beacon academy and used to house guests or emissaries from other kingdoms visiting the school, for example during the Vytal Festival. Students or teachers who could not or did not wish to board could rent there at reduced rates as well.  
At the moment a number of officers from the Atlesian Military were stationed in the apartments for reasons that were „classified" as Qrow would have put it (said with air quotes and sarcasm practically dripping from his lips). One of those officers was Winter Schnee, Military Specialist.

After squeezing themselves out of the elevator on the 4th floor, Ruby dragged the still protesting Weiss behind her towards apartment 42 and pushed her towards the door. Then she, Yang and Blake hung back and motioned her to ring the bell. Weiss rolled her eyes but it was no use. She pressed the buzzer.

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The sudden and unexpected ringing of the door bell nearly startled Winter Schnee to death but she wouldn't have been a military specialist if she hadn't recovered quickly. Cursing inwardly at Qrow being in the shower and therefore useless she put on her dressing gown and went to get the door, wondering who on Remnant it could possibly be. Probably a salesperson.

The colour drained from her face when opening the door instead revealed her baby sister's face.

„Weiss! What the- what are you doing here?", asked Winter in a mixture of pleasant surprise to see her sister and blind panic.

„Hello sister. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't come by unannounced!" Weiss threw a glare at Ruby. „But I really wanted to see you and I couldn't reach you...and since you're only here for a few days...I brought my friends too. You said wanted to meet them..." Weiss trailed off, looking at the floor. Winter hadn't said anything yet, let alone let them in. She knew it had been a bad idea. Her sister was even in a dressing gown for goodness sake! With her hair down! She had never seen Winter anything other than impeccably dressed.

„Hello, Ruby", said Winter, only now noticing that her sister hadn't come alone. Drat, she thought. They couldn't have possibly come at a worse time. „And you must be Yang and Blake", she said, looking at the other two girls.

„Hello, Miss Schnee", said Blake awkwardly. „Nice to meet you."

„Hello Weiss' sister!", Ruby said cheerfully.

„Hi!" Yang said and waved.

Winter nodded curtly to each of them and then turned back to Weiss. „Can we come in?", Weiss asked carefully. Winter's eyes widened and she moved to block the doorframe and subsequently view with her body.

„Weiss, I am...happy to see you. But I'm afraid it's a really bad time right now. I am...I have a-" Remembering that she was only wearing her dressing gown Winter stopped herself from saying 'guest' just in time. She glanced over her shoulder. The water had stopped.

„I am truly sorry. But you can't come in right now. Why don't we meet for coffee in...in an hour?", she said hastily. The girls exchanged surreptitious glances.

„Is something wrong, Winter?", asked Weiss. Her sister was always distant but right now she was acting plain weird.

Winter was about to answer when her worst fears came to pass and a male voice called from inside the flat: „Was that the doorbell? Who is it?"

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Yangs' and Rubys' eyes grew wide, having of course immediately identified their uncle's voice. They exchanged panicked looks and then fixed their eyes on Weiss. They knew that Winter hadn't told her and neither had they for fear of Weiss attempting to disembowel their beloved uncle the next time she saw him. Weiss frowned in confusion. Only Blake watched the whole scene completely unperturbed.

„Winter, are you...do you have a guest? Oh gosh, I am so sorry. We really shouldn't have come here without calling first", said Weiss, blushing furiously. Ruby and Yang allowed themselves to exhale – apparently she hadn't recognized Qrow's voice.

„Errr. Yes", said Winter, who was as red as Weiss. „I am afraid that is the case-"

Qrow of course picked this precise moment to appear behind Winter clad in nothing but a towel. It was probably just bad luck.

„Who're you talkin' – oh. Hey, Weiss", he said nonchalantly. Then, when he spotted Blake, Yang and Ruby: „And if it isn't my favourite nieces and their teammate – Blake, was it? What brings you kids here?", he asked cheerfully.

„Hey uncle Qrow!", said Ruby and Yang. Winter buried her face in her hands. What had she done to deserve this?

„We were just...accompanying Weiss", said Blake cautiously and looked at Weiss with concern. They others followed her gaze.

Weiss was standing stock-still in the doorway, her hands folded in front of her. Her mouth had fallen open and her eyes were nothing but white circles of utter terror.

„Weiss...?", asked Ruby quietly. There was no reaction. „Uncle Qrow, I think you broke her!", she said anxiously. Winter huffed.

„I know why I didn't tell her", she said exasperatedly. „Oh well. You might as well come in now. The cat's out of the bag." For some reason she couldn't discern this seemed to amuse the black-haired girl.

They all followed her inside, Yang and Ruby being the ones to carefully maneuver Weiss through the door and onto the sofa in the living room after their uncle had nearly lost his towel in the first attempt.

„Could you please put something on?", Winter hissed at Qrow through gritted teeth as she put her hair up in a bun again.

„You're wearing a bathrobe", Qrow pointed out.

„It's a dressing gown! And it covers everything! Something that can't be said for your towel."

„Please put some clothes on, uncle Qrow", said Ruby quietly and kneeled down next to Weiss.

„Wasn't going to stay like this forever, kiddo", he said and rolled his eyes. Of course he was going to put on clothes, he'd just been messing with Winter. Qrow was by no means a prude but even he drew the line at being half-naked around his nieces' friends. That would at best be strange and at worst severely creepy.

„Anyone seen my pants?", he asked, searching the room with a confused frown. „I think I saw them hanging from the lamp in the hallway", said Blake calmly, pointing at the ceiling. Everyone stared at her. „What? He asked!"

„Thanks, kid", said Qrow and stalked off in search of his trousers, holding his towel with one hand just in case. At least someone who didn't have a melt-down because he was banging their sister. He didn't want to mess her up, too.

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After both Qrow and Winter were decent again (Qrow's shirt had turned up on the kitchen counter. Winter had never wanted to vanish from the face of Remnant so badly) they all gathered round the sofa, looking down at Weiss, who still seemed to be paralysed with shock. Possibly there was foam around her mouth.

Ruby poked her.

„Doesn't anyone think this is kind of an overreaction?", asked Qrow. Everyone shrugged.

„Well yeah", said Yang. „But that doesn't change the fact that she had an overreaction."

„Hm", conceded Qrow.

„So...what do we do?", asked Blake.

Winter huffed, threw her shoulders back and strode over to the sofa.

„Weiss! Schnee!", she yelled in a voice you could have cut Grimm with. „What do you think you're doing! Get up this instant!"

Surprisingly, that seemed to have the desired effect. Weiss shot up like a cork from a champagne bottle, jolted back to life by the Voice of Winter.

„Yes, sir!", she stammered, sitting up and looking around in confusion. „What? Winter? What happened?" Her eyes fell on Qrow. „What is he doing here? Oh no...please tell me it was all a dream."

„It was real", said Blake.

Weiss looked ready to faint again immediately and Yang pre-emptively put a hand on her shoulder.

„Weiss!", said Ruby. „It's okay!"

„No it's not!", shouted Weiss. „Nothing is okay! I can't believe this, Winter! How could you do that? With him? He's drunk and, and...ugh, I think I'm going to be sick."

„Hey!", interjected Qrow, offended. „Are you just going to let your friend trash talk me like that?", he inquired, looking from one niece to another incredulously but they ignored him. Blake hid a snigger.

„Weiss. It's fine.", Ruby repeated.

„No! How can you be so calm! Nothing is fine! My sister...my sister is sleeping with your awful uncle!", she groaned.

„I KNOW! We've known for months, Weiss! And uncle Qrow's not awful!", yelled Ruby, interrupting Weiss mid-rant.

„Yeah. He's just drunk", said Yang. Qrow rolled his eyes. He needed a drink for this. Winter had closed her eyes and was massaging her temples.

„What do you mean you've known for months? How long has this been going on?", she asked, appalled. „And why didn't you tell me?"

„Ugh, because you just fucking fainted, Weiss!", sad Yang and threw her hands up.

„I-"

„Enough!" Silence fell immediately. Even Qrow didn't dare say anything. „Enough Weiss!", said Winter, a dangerous undertone in her voice. „This reaction is precisely why I didn't tell you. And now that you know I expect you to respect my decisions. It is none of your business with whom I associate, is that clear?"

„Yes, Winter", said Weiss quietly, heat rising in her face. She put her hands demurely in her lap. „I'm sorry."

Winter's face softened somewhat.

„It's alright", she said. "And for the record: It's not serious, so no need to panic", she added. „Now, if you have calmed down enough we can go for coffee."

„Now hang on a moment!", said Qrow before anyone else could get a word in and waved the flask he had finally located between two sofa cushions. "Where's my apology, huh? I'm feeling pretty insulted here", he said and took a swig. Ruby sighed.

Qrow was by no means easy to offend. Usually he was able to laugh off most insults but the implication that he wasn't even good enough to fuckWinter Schnee - that had stung. Weiss turned to face him.

"I apologise", she said earnestly and held his gaze. "What I said was uncalled for and I'm sorry."

"Fine. 'pology accepted", he grumbled and wiped his mouth. He didn't argue the drunk bit.

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By the time their coffees arrived it was almost not awkward anymore. Almost.


End file.
